She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
