Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
