Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
