ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
