Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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