I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
