Only a mothe r could love this liver
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
