then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
