I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
