Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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