THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
