hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Come back. Shots need mouths.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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