I have demons in me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
