She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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