Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
