If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
