So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
