Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
