I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
