Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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