I like my sex mixed with concussions.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
