dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
