hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
