apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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