There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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