Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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