Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
