I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
