I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
where are my eyebrows?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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