I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
