I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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