is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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