Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
