Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
