why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have feelings that need drinking.
my poor anus
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
