It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
