my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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