got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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