I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
