I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
