she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
