Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
