My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
