my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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