They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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