Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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