I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
