My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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