is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
