how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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