Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
